The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories
by CindyandSandy
Summary: No summary really...'cause nothin' could summerize this!
1. Family Got Fingered

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Author(s): Cindy and Sandy

Rating: G…for generic

Chapter 1~Family Got Fingered

Loralia: He fingered me!

Mother: I thought he fingered me?!

::Grandpa enters::

Grandpa: Who's fingering the jello?

::Cue credits starting music…thingeys…::

Music: Da de da da da dade da! Do do do do DO DO! DO Do do do DO do…da de da da da dade da! Do do do do DO DO! DO Do do do DO do…DUN!

::Cue -I ATE the truth::

::Cue-Executive Producer – Fish Farter::

Mulder: I always hate that haunting music at the beginning of the show! All those dos and das…it's disturbing!

Scully: Duh! You're the one that wanted it on there!

Mulder: Well, I want to change my theme song!

::Scully sighs::

Scully: Not again

Mulder: Oh, yes, again!

::Tinkerbell enters::

Tinkerbell: You guys…stop being silly! We have a case to solve!

::She hands the case to Mulder and tinkers away::

Scully: I'm so glad we hired her! It's the smartest thing we've done since the first season!

::Mulder starts to leave the room, stops, strikes a pose, and music starts playing. It is none other than the song My Religion by Krystal Harris::

Mulder: By George! I got it!

Scully: Well, it is better than Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake!

::Scully smiles, turns toward camera and holds up Justin's CD::

Scully: That you can buy at Wal-Mart for mere $11.88! Let's see our competitors beat out that!

::She sets the CD down and continues as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred::

Mulder: Disen!

Scully: What?

Mulder: Umm…nothing…let's just go!

::On the plane heading toward Some Random Cornfield, Iowa::

Scully: Why do we always visit a place with a cornfield?

Mulder: How do you know this place has a cornfield?

::She stares at him…crickets chirp::

Scully: I'm not sure, I just have this feeling…something about it…I can't put my finger on it!

::People on the plane around them stare…blink…then stare more::


	2. Trailer Treasures

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: G…for generalizations

Chapter 2~Trailor Treasures

~Meanwhile~

::Loralia is sitting in Sociology class in Some Random Cornfield, Iowa::

Mr. Ferns: Hello, my name is Mr. Ferns and this is Sociology class!

Random student: Yes…we know! This is the 3rd month we've been here! WE KNOW YOUR NAME, MR. FERNS! AND WE KNOW THIS IS SOCIOLOGY CLASS! GET TO THE SUBJECT MATERIAL!

Mr. Ferns: Oh…yes…::whispers under his breath::...I am Mr. Ferns and I will destroy all these children and have complete control over all!

Some other random student: What?

Mr. Ferns: Huh? Nothing! I mean…we're learning about minorities! Yes, that's what I said! MINORITIES!

Loralia: You mean racial and ethnic groups like Asians and-

Mr. Ferns: MEXICANS!

Students: You mean Hispanics?

Mr. Ferns: Yes, them too…I'll tell you something about those Mexicans…they're trailer treasures!

Random Student: You mean trailer TRASH?

::Mulder and Scully enter the school and are shot dead instantly…the students stare for a moment then return their attention to Mr. Ferns::

Mr. Ferns: No…trailer treasure! You can't trust 'em! I know how they operate…They'll buy a trailer and fit 700 of 'em in it!

Loralia: Mr. Ferns, aren't you teaching us to be Bigots?

Mr. Ferns: What? Where'd you get that crap? Some Jew tell you that? Stupid Jews! PRAISE HITLER! MIEN KAMPF!

::Several students stand up and leave the room::

Mr. Ferns: Where you goin'? To join those stupid communists?

Students: No…we're Jewish…

Mr. Ferns: Oh…GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASS!

::Loralia sighs in disgust::

Loralia: Mr. Ferns, we do this every day…can't we just learn something new?

::Mr. Ferns points to the two dead bodies::

Mr. Ferns: THIS! THIS IS NEW! THIS IS BECAUSE OF THOSE CHINESE! AND THOSE DAMN WHITE PEOPLE…and their women's need for sexual gratification! It's my turn she says…MY TURN! I'LL SHOW YOU WHOSE TURN IT IS, WOMAN!

Loralia: Well, yes, this is new…but it doesn't mean it's HELPING…

::The bell rings::

Mr. Ferns: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASS, WOMAN!

Loralia: Well, yes, I have to…the bell rang…

Mr. Ferns: Well, yes, my name is Mr. Ferns…yes it is…

Authors' note: We have absolutely nothing against Hispanics, Jews, communists, Chinese, or White women…because we are white women…We are also Hispanic, Jewish, Communist, Chinese, and even a little bit Italian! Just kidding…No seriously…no offense…


	3. The Essence of Bob Dole

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG…for Pudgy Germans!

Chapter 3~The Essence of Bob Dole

::Loralia returns home from her unusual day at school::

::Mulder and Scully knock on the door::

::Loralia answers::

::Mulder smiles, strikes a pose, Hot Chocolate's You Sexy Thing starts playing::

Loralia: Where the hell's that coming from?

Scully: I can't believe you didn't tell me you changed your theme again!

Loralia: Hey…you guys died!

Mulder: We did?!?!

Scully: Well, keep smiling, that's what I always say!

::Enter Marilyn Manson and Bob Dole, carrying on an intelligent conversation about the distribution of commerce in the American society::

::Bob Dole stops, looks around::

Bob Dole: Hey! It's Bob Dole's theme song! Bob Dole Bob Dole…BOB DOLE!

::Mulder in extreme agitation:: WHAT?!?!

::Bob Dole dances to it provocatively…ripping off his pants::

Mulder: THIS IS MY THEME SONG! HOW DARE YOU!

::He pulls out his gun and kills Bob Dole and chases Marilyn Manson off with a small kitten::

Mulder: That's what I thought, Bitch! You'll never become president!

Loralia: Wait…how are you guys here?

Scully: Well, luckily for us, the FIB uses-

Loralia: Don't you mean the FBI?

Scully: What? The FBI? No…FIB! Federal Investigation Bureau…You're thinking of Federally Beaten Immigrants…

Loralia: Oh, my bad…

Scully: Anyway, the FIB has advanced technology that makes being an FIB agent easier…thankfully they discovered that yesterday morning and we were wearing bullet proof saran wrap on all parts of our bodies, we didn't die!

Mulder: Oh…that's right, I should probably take mine off…do you have a bathroom?

Scully: You didn't leave it on where I think you left it on…did you?

Mulder: No? Yes? Maybe? Citrus fruits? Crayon?

Loralia: WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Scully: Well, when a mother and a father decide they love each other very much-

Loralia: NO! Why are you visiting my house?

Scully: oh…um…

::crickets chirp::

Mulder: To investigate!

Loralia: Investigate what?

Mulder: To investigate the investigation of course!

Scully: May we come in?

Loralia: Sure…

::They enter, glancing around cynically, chanting karate noises. They spot the fingered jello::

Mulder: WHO FINGERED THIS HERE JELLO?

Loralia: Uh…my…grandpa?

Scully: Could you describe this…"grandpa"?

Loralia: Ok…sure…he's standing right behind you….

Scully: Yes, very interesting…has he always been standing right behind me? Or is this an unusual variation in his behavior?

::She writes down this new piece of information::

Loralia: No, he just entered the room a minute ago.

Mulder: Did he tell you to say this? Does your "grandpa" always touch jello in front of you?

Scully: Can you see this "grandpa" now?

Loralia: YES! I TOLD YOU! HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

Mulder: There is no need to get angry ma'am, we're just asking you a few simple questions!

Scully: Mulder…I think this one isn't talking…shall I use my gun?

Mulder: No Scully, this one calls for more drastic measures…

Scully: You don't mean-

Mulder: Yes…the Rod Stewart treatment…

Loralia: What?

Scully: We're going to strap you down in a room and force you to view pictures of Rod Stewart and listen to his music until you agree to talk with us!

Loralia: Come again? I told you…he's right BEHIND YOU!

Mulder: Yeah…and Scully's beautiful, too!

Scully: Haha…good one!

Loralia: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

::The grandpa, who has for some reason been silent this entire time as they refused to believe, or ignored the fact, that he was right behind them…finally speaks::

Grandpa: Can I help you gentlemen?

::Scully clears her throat::

::He stares blankly at her::

Grandpa: Yes?

Mulder: Who are you?

Grandpa: I'm Grandpa!

::Mulder and Scully start screaming::

Scully: OH NO! NOW WE CAN SEE HIM TOO!

Mulder-to Loralia: You put some kind of curse on us, didn't you?!?!

Loralia: What the hell are you talking about? You two need some serious help!

::Marilyn Manson comes back, armed with anti-kitty spray, to avenge the death of his friend, Bob Dole::

Marilyn Manson: DIE YOU CONFORMISTS!

::He shoots and kills Mulder and Scully::

Grandpa: No! Not my beautiful hand sewn drapes!


	4. The Spawn of Satan

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG…for Pollinating Geraniums!

Chapter 4The Spawn of Satan

An hour later in the hospital

::Mulder and Scully sit up in their hospital beds…at the same time, obviously::

::Loralia is sitting in a chair in the corner::

Loralia: Oh my God! How are you two living?

Scully: Well, we weren't wearing any protection this time, God just decided to spare us…

!$%&%Flashback%&%$!

::Mulder and Scully approach the Pearly Gates::

Scully: Wow, we're almost in Heaven!

Mulder: SHWEET! Are we there yet?

::God appears::

God: No, my child, we must first go through the Pearly Gates.

::Heavenly music plays::

Mulder: Ohh…are we there now?

God: No

Mulder: How 'bout now?

God: No

Mulder: Are we there now?

God: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

God: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

God: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

God: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

God: NO! BURN IN ETERNAL HELL FIRE!

::Mulder and Scully suddenly poof into hell::

::The Devil appears::

Devil: Why hello…and welcome to the Fiery Gates of HELL!

Mulder: Now are we in Heaven?

Devil: No…YOU'RE ENTERING HELL!

Mulder: …Oh…are we there yet?

Devil: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Devil: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Devil: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Devil: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Devil: NO! DAMN YOU! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!

::Mulder and Scully reappear in Heaven::

God: WHAT? What are you doing back here?

Mulder: NOW are we there yet?

God: NOO! IF THE DEVIL DIDN'T WANT YOU, THEN NEITHER DO I!

::Mulder and Scully wake up in hospital::

Loralia: Oh my God! How are you two living?

Loralia: STOP! STOP! I HEARD THAT PART!

Scully: Mulder, I can't believe you got us kicked out of Heaven AND Hell!

Mulder: Why…are we there now?

Loralia: I don't even know why I was concerned about you…every time you two open your mouths I want to kill myself…

::Grandpa enters the room::

Scully: Oh god…Mulder…do you still see him?

::Mulder panics:: NO!

Scully: Either do I!

Loralia: Well, you should see him…he IS real.

Scully: That's what you WANT us to think!

Mulder: Scully, I wanna go back to Heaven…

Scully: You were never technically in heaven!

Mulder: Yes, but purgatory is better than seeing not real old guys!

::Nurse enters and speaks to Grandpa::

Mulder: OH MY GOD! WE'RE IMAGINING HER TOO!

Scully: Wait…maybe we're imagining this whole thing! Maybe this hospital isn't real and we never died! That means we never saw God!

Loralia: By the way…what did God look like?

Mulder: Oddly like Al Pacino…in a top hat and rental tux.

Loralia: No wonder Al Pacino gets all the good roles…and what did Satan look like?

Scully: He was a spitting image of George Bush…I swear it…

Loralia: Well, that explains why he was elected! We all know it wasn't his political campaign or his promise to fix education…

Mulder: Yeah…fix education…hehe…hehehe

Scully: YOU VOTED FOR HIM!

Mulder: I couldn't help it! His eyebrows moved every time he spoke! They were telling me things! EVIL things! LIKE THAT GRANDPA OVER THERE!

Loralia: OH JEEZ!

Grandpa: I wasn't even saying anything!

Mulder: JUST LIKE THAT! See! He's evil!

::Mulder pulls out a Bible and hands it to Scully::

Mulder: Quick! Open to Psalms 26 and don't stop reading until I tell you!

::He pulls out a vile of holy water and splashes it at Grandpa::

Mulder: The power of Christ compels you!

Scully: Mulder, I don't think that's what's wrong here…

Mulder: You're right! IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION! EVERYBODY RUN!

::He jumps out of the bed and crawls army style out of the room, where men with a straight jacket and container of blue pills await him::

Mulder: YOU CAN'T TAKE ME! YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE! DID GRANDPA TELL YOU TO DO THIS?

::They drag him away, as he chants random things about aliens and campfire songs hiding propaganda from the government::

Scully: Wow, I've always waited for the day that would happen…I just didn't see it coming today!


	5. Let's Recap, Shall We?

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG…for Perfect Grammar!

Chapter 4.5 – Let's Recap, Shall We?

Disclaimer: By the way…to our one viewer? We do not own Mulder and Scully…although we wish we could! Then we can make them dance…dance to our evil songs of happiness! Then we'd kill them-I mean, give them candy! LOTS OF CANDY! But we do own Mr. Ferns! (He's based on an actual person…even though he's not really a bigot, or stupid, or named Mr. Ferns…BUT HE IS OUR SOCIOLOGY SLASH PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER!)

To recap:

Grandpa: Who's fingering the jello?

::Scully sighs::

Mulder: By George! I got it!

::People on the plane around them stare…blink…then stare more::

Some other random student: What?

Mr. Ferns: Yes, them too…I'll tell you something about those Mexicans…they're trailer treasures!

Students: No…we're Jewish…

Mr. Ferns: Well, yes, my name is Mr. Ferns…yes it is…

Loralia: Hey…you guys died!

::Bob Dole dances to it provocatively…ripping off his pants::

Mulder: Oh…that's right, I should probably take mine off…do you have a bathroom?

::crickets chirp::

Mulder: Did he tell you to say this? Does your "grandpa" always touch jello in front of you?

Grandpa: I'm Grandpa!

::Marilyn Manson comes back, armed with anti-kitty spray, to avenge the death of his friend, Bob Dole::

Grandpa: No! Not my beautiful hand sewn drapes!

::Mulder and Scully approach the Pearly Gates::

Mulder: Are we there yet?

God: No

::Mulder and Scully suddenly poof into hell::

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Devil: No

Loralia: I don't even know why I was concerned about you…every time you two open your mouths I want to kill myself…

Scully: YOU VOTED FOR HIM!

Scully: Wow, I've always waited for the day that would happen…I just didn't see it coming today!

::Cindy and Sandy laugh hysterically…until they fall out of their chairs…and pass out from lack of oxygen..then get back up::

::Cindy burps::

::Sandy holds up her hand dramatically:: THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

::Cindy mimics her:: Yes! Until the death!

Sandy: Until the death of what?

Cindy: That's a surprise!

Sandy: Hey, look at that quarter!

Cindy: Yeah, I saw it earlier…but I wasn't going to say anything.

::They wrestle for it::

- The story continues –

AN: This chapter was dedicated to our loyal…"FAN"…(yeah, that's right, we only have one! LEAVE US ALONE! OH THE TORMENT AND THE HORROR! BUT NO! NOT YOU! OUR ONE LOYAL FAN! YOU CAN STAY!) So, "TheFreakyOne"…you've kept us alive all those years! Through the good times and the bad! When we thought things wouldn't get better, you always saw the light! Thank you.


	6. One Way Mirror

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG…for Potential Gas!

Chapter 6 – One Way Mirrors

AN: That's right…directly from chapter 4.5 to chapter 6! What happened to chapter 5? We don't know, you tell us! Was it written or wasn't it? Did it ever exist? Or did we just feel like matching the chapters to those of the drop down box? COULD BE! ::ponders::

::Mulder sits by him self in his new…room. Well, it's more like a cell::

Mulder: Would you like more Mountain Dew, Mr. Snuggles?

::He sits on a table, holding out an imaginary bottle, to an imaginary stuffed teddy bear::

Mulder: Mountain Dew is GOOOOOD!

::He rocks back and forth, then suddenly stops and stares at the one way mirror for an extended amount of time…like five minutes…unblinking.::

Mulder: …

::He suddenly leaps off the table, pushes it into the corner, jumps behind it, popping his head up now and then::

::Mulder whispers:: They'll never find me here Mr. Snuggles! BUT YOU WILL!

::He starts choking Mr. Snuggles::

Mulder: YOU WON'T TELL THEM, WILL YOU?!?

:: When he is satisfied Mr. Snuggles won't say a word, he starts ripping up the carpet and burrowing under it.::

::Scully views from the one way mirror::

Scully: It's sad to see him like this…OH WELL!

Loralia: Aren't you going to do something about it?

Scully: Like what!? When you've been working with him for five years, wouldn't YOU want to get rid of him?! With the theme song! AND THE DANCING! ALWAYS DANCING, HE IS! THE JOY NEVER STOPS! ::She starts shaking Loralia's head:: YOU'D THINK HE'D BE LONELY OR SAD EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE! BUT NO! HE CALLS ME AT FOUR IN THE MORNING TO TELL ME THE CARE BEARS ARE ON! THE CARE BEARS! I HATE CARE BEARS! THEY'RE SO HAPPY! AND THEY DANCE TO THE THEME SONGS! ALWAYS DANCE, THEY ARE!

Loralia: Do you have a problem with dancing and theme songs? And that last sentence you said…that didn't even make any sense.

Scully: OH GOD! I CAN HEAR IT NOW! THE THEME SONGS AND THE DANCING! THE SOFT PATTING OF LITTLE FEET ON A LITTLE FLOOR! WITH THE THEME SONG!

::Scully envisions Mulder dancing, surrounded by Care Bears, la la laing to the Smurfs theme song.::

Loralia: CALM DOWN WOMAN!

Scully: I'm…sorry…truly…he's just so annoying! Can you believe that he calls me a man?

Loralia: You're a woman?

::Mulder stops in the middle of burrowing:: SHOW US YER BOOBS!

Guy in white coat 1: Ma'am, your partner is exhibiting some odd behavior…apparently, he wants you to show him your boobs…

Scully: What?

Guy in white coat 2: Please ma'am, we don't want him to try to moon walk on the ceiling…again…

::Scully sighs, then flashes him through the one way mirror::

Mulder: I WAS TALKING TO MR. SNUGGLES!

Guy in white coat 1: Apparently he's gay…

Scully: No he's not…he just thinks I'm a man.

::Guy in white coat 2 holds up a syringe:: It's time for his tranquilizer!

::They enter the room and find that Mulder was burrowed under the carpet and crawling around in circles::

Mulder: I'm a bug under the rug! HEHEHE! ::girlish laugh::

::Guy in white coat 1 aims, then stabs him in the butt through the carpet…obviously they were used to this::

Guy in white coat 2: Got him…

Mulder: HEEEEeeee….::the ball he was in went limp::

Guy in white coat 1: Time to get him out from under the carpet…again.

AN: We pulled parts of this from real events that happened to a friend of ours…like the moving the table in the corner and hiding under the carpet…DON'T LAUGH! Ok, go ahead! We did…


	7. Obnoxious Wars and Skewed Points of View

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG...for Pondering Gnomes/Parental Gadgets!

Chapter 7 – Title one: Obnoxious Wars. Title two: Skewed points of view.

After our last chapter it seems our heroes are quite in a pickle. Will Scully ever get rid of those singing voices? Will Mulder ever stop being those singing voices? We think not. But go on, we must, with this tragic story of two star-crossed partners and one dark lonely girl, who was not dark and lonely until they came along. They have now taken Loralia's grandfather into custody for raping his children and grandchildren. They have also now determined that he is indeed real. What a surprise.  
  
Cindy: I never saw it coming, did you, Sandy?  
  
::Sandy looks around confused::  
  
Sandy: Well, yeah, we did write it.  
  
Cindy: Actually, I wrote it! You had nothing to do with it!  
  
Sandy: WHAT!? LIAR LIARSON!!!  
  
Cindy: OH QUIT IT WITH ALL THE CLASSIC ONE-LINERS!  
  
Sandy: You'd like that wouldn't you? THEN THE STORY WOULD BE FULL OF CHAOS! PURE CHAOS, I TELL YOU!  
  
Cindy: As if it already isn't.  
  
Sandy: From now on we'll write separate parts of the chapter! You write the first half! I'll write the second half!  
  
Cindy: FINE!!!!!!!!!!! Here goes:  
  
Later Mulder is found in his seatbelt bed, but not strapped down because somebody neglected to do their job.  
  
::Mulder finds random pointy objects to jab into himself whilst singing "TACO TACO TACO"::  
  
::The nurse enters, stares at him, then screams and faints::  
  
::Scully enters:: Not again! He does this in the office all the time! HEY YOU STUPID DUMB UGLY! YOU'RE GOING TO GET THAT STUCK IN YOUR FEEDING PIPE!  
  
::Mulder pauses what he's doing and glances at her:: Why hello, sir! ::he shoves a scalpel down his throat and starts to choke.  
  
Scully: Great! Now you're going to have to have surgery...I'm not doin' it!  
  
Mulder: I don't want surgery!  
  
Scully: Then leave it in there!  
  
Mulder: Ok!  
  
::He runs in circles with a scalpel in his throat...then he trips, falls to the ground, and the intruding scalpel flies out of his mouth and hits Scully in her leg::  
  
Scully: Now that was just stupid! What'd you do that for? You should've just left it in your throat!  
  
Mulder: Aww...I miss it already!  
  
Scully: Well, that's too bad...I have AIDs and now you're going to get it! ::She removes it from her leg and shoves it bad down his throat::  
  
Mulder: YEAH! IT'S BACK! I missed you so much! I like to pretend I'm dying!  
  
Scully: Oh, but you really are!  
  
Mulder: Really? Thank you for supporting me Scully!  
  
::Sandy enters::  
  
Sandy: Now it's my turn! Move away from the computer! You made the story bad...  
  
::Scully sits up in the hospital chair and shudders at the horrible nightmare she just had::  
  
Scully: Oh god...at least there was no singing and dancing!  
  
::Mulder sits up from his corner of his padded room and starts to sing and dance::  
  
Scully: How does he always know? It's like he has...'torture Scully' radar!  
  
::She runs out of the hospital angrily and runs to her car to find Mulder sitting in the passenger seat::  
  
Mulder: Hi!  
  
Scully: What? How'd you get in here? You were just inside like...three seconds ago! Literally! And you're not in your hospital gown! WHY AND HOW DID YOU ESCAPE FROM THE MENTAL HOSPITAL??!?!  
  
Mulder: Well, I don't remember doing it. And I don't remember WHY I did it...but I'm sure it was a really good idea at the time.  
  
Scully: Well, I guess you look better now, so I'm sure it was OK.  
  
Mulder: Yeah, I was faking it. It was pretty fun too. ::He glances around suspiciously:: And besides, I got to see Mr. Snuggle's boobs.  
  
::They drive away, off to finish the rest of the investigation::  
  
::Loralia appears in Mulder's cell::  
  
Loralia: Where did he go? Why am I still here? Oh yeah, because they locked up my GRANDPA! I suddenly feel dark and alone!  
  
::The nurse enters::  
  
Nurse: Mulder, how'd you make yourself look like a woman?  
  
Loralia: What? I'm not Mulder...  
  
Nurse: Yeah, that's what you want me to think! I fell for it before, I'm not falling for it again!  
  
Loralia: No seriously! I'm not Mulder! Now if you just move aside and let me through!  
  
Nurse: MULDER! PLEASE CALM DOWN! I DON'T WANT TO RESTRAIN YOU!  
  
Loralia: I can't believe this! If you don't believe me...::she starts to lift her shirt up::  
  
Nurse: NO! DOCTOR! HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!  
  
::The doctor runs in with a syringe of clear liquid::  
  
Doctor: Mulder, I will give you one warning!  
  
Loralia: I'M NOT MULDER!  
  
::The doctor lunges at her and injects the tranquilizer in her buttocks::  
  
Cindy: Wow...that story just...sucked.  
  
Sandy: I agree.  
  
Cindy: Let's not fight anymore.  
  
Sandy: Good idea...and how about we write a chapter 5!  
  
Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy Authors: Cindy and Sandy Rating: Now changed to PG...for Prodding Gestapo! Chapter 5 – From deep in the vault of Cindy and Sandy  
  
::The two guys in white coats throw Mulder into his cell:: ::The Nurse enters:: Nurse: Why hello, Mr. Mulder! Mulder: I'm not Mulder.  
  
Nurse: You're not?  
  
Mulder: No...I'm not.  
  
Nurse: Well then, you shouldn't be in here!  
  
::Mulder runs out of the room and down the hall...then stops, turns to his left, and spots a cuddly teddy bear.::  
  
Mulder: I shall call you Mr. Snuggles!  
  
::He grabs Mr. Snuggles and returns to his cell::


	8. Surprise! There's no Asparagus!

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG...for Planting Grains!

Chapter 8 – Surprise! There's no asparagus!

Disclaimer: We don't own anything…not even the fast food place that sounds suspiciously familiar…

:Before heading off to investigate the investigation (Do they even know what they're investigating? Do WE even know what they're investigating? I THINK NOT!), Mulder decides he needs some thinking grub.:

Mulder: I think I need some thinking grub! Let's go to Fardees!

Scully: If you want thinking grub, you shouldn't go there! That just makes you stupid! All they serve is varnish!

Mulder: NU UH! They have "real food" and "asparagus surprise"! And besides…I go there all the….:he starts to drool:

:Scully slaps him:

Mulder: Time!

Scully: Ok, fine, let's go to Fardees!

:They go to Fardees. Mulder orders "asparagus surprise" and Scully ordered "real food" because it was the only thing that actually sounded like real food on the menu.:

Scully: Um…sir? I don't mean to be picky…but…these are just cardboard cut outs of actual food.

Mulder: And…this doesn't taste like asparagus…

Guy: There's no asparagus in it.

Mulder: Then why is it called "asparagus surprise"?

Guy: Well, SURPRISE! THERE'S NO ASPARAGUS!

Mulder: YAY! ASPARAGUS SURPRISE!

Scully: Then what IS in it?

Guy: Well, everything BUT asparagus really.

Mulder: I LOVE ASPARAGUS SURPRISE!

:The Guy looks at Scully: He asks that every time he comes in here, just so he can get excited about it…and he never really eats it. He just talks about it…A LOT!

:Mulder heads to a booth and continues talking about asparagus surprise and how much he loves it.:

Scully: I want a refund

Guy: Sorry, no can do. It's your fault for coming here…

Scully: BUT I DIDN'T ORDER THIS!

Guy: IF YOU DIDN'T WANT CRAP THEN WHY'D YOU COME TO FARDEES?

:Meanwhile:

:Loralia is passed out:

:Anyway, back to Mulder and Scully:

:Upset, Scully heads to the booth and sits down angrily:

Scully: That was a waste of money…

:As she's complaining and Mulder is praising his "asparagus surprise", in walks…AFI:

A/N: For those of you who DON'T know who AFI is, they are…well, we don't want to over sell this…but they are the GREATEST BAND OF ALL TIME! For more information about them, go to http/ and check 'em out!


	9. The Woes of Loralia

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG...for Pilfering Guardians!

Chapter 9 – The Woes of Loralia

Disclaimer: Though it seems Chris Carter has decided to let the X-Files take a nap, we still weren't able to aquire rights…not even to a prop (-cough-stapler-cough-) or two. But never-the-less, we must make best of what little our imaginations can muster!

A/N: Spontaniety continues

AFI: WTF?

:They instantly turn and leave.:

:Mulder stops in the midst of rambling about his precious asparagus surprise and looks around, completely calm:

Mulder: Scully?

Scully: Yeah?

Mulder: Do you think we're forgetting something? Like there's some horrible conspiracy that we've completely missed?

Scully: …no.

Mulder: Yeah, me too…I think we missed something in that house. We need to stop this evil do-er that calls himself "Grandpa".

Scully: No we didn't…there was nothing wrong with that house!

Mulder: I know! If only I could put my finger on it, too! I think we misunderstood the Jello…

Scully: Are you listening? We don't need to go back there! There's nothing to investigate! There never is Mulder! You just drag me along and make a fool of me and everytime we get no where and look like idiots when we hand in our report saying, "Well, sir…the bad guys got away again, but this time we SWEAR…pinky promise…scouts honor…pretty please with sugar on top…PROMISE that they were bad and we'll blame it on the guy in the corner. You know the one, evil, unforgiving wrinkles, sinister grey hair, has a smoke cloud following him every where?"

Mulder: …:blink:…you're right Scully!

Scully: Thank you!

Mulder: We should definitely go back to that house and further investigate! The Smoking Man is definitely behind this! Leave it to "Grandpa" to return to the scene of the crime, I'll bet!

Scully: No! Nuh uh! I'm not going! I don't wanna play any more! I quit!

Mulder: You have to, or I'll tell Skinner!

Scully: Nuh uh!

Mulder: Uh huh!

Scully: Nuh uh!

Mulder: Uh huh!

Scully: Nuh uh!

Mulder: Uh huh!

:Two hours later:

Scully: Nuh uh times infinitey and that's final!

Mulder: Too late!

:Scully looked around…they were standing in Loralia's house, a dead Bob Dole laying just feet from the, a surprised expression still frozen in his lifeless eyes, ripped pants lying next to him, his hips frozen in mid pelvic thrust…:

Scully::throws hands up in the air dramatically: NOOOOOOOOOO!

:Mulder copies her:

Scully: What the hell are you doing?

Mulder: Introducing drama to the case, making it all the more dramatic with creaky floor boards, scary villians, and a love interest for the main, male character…

Floor Board: Squeak…

Scully: Mulder…

Mulder: Shh, Scully, don't say anything. :he puts his finger to her lips violently: I was going to say this when the moment was right, but I'm afraid that this case is too dangerous, I'm afraid I won't make it out alive! Scully?

Scully: Yes?

Mulder: I…

Scully: Yes!

Mulder: I want….

Scully: YES!

Mulder: I want you to me Gunther Stubs! I met him at Fardees and I just knew you two would be perfect together!

Scully: WHAT!

Mulder: Yeah! Since he's the lead, male character I just knew I had to pair him up with someone in his range. :whispers: You know, he's not very good looking so he's got to find someone who share similar qualities…

Scully: …:she shakes with rage: Must kill…

Mulder: You ok? You're looking more blotchy than usual…

:Scully whips out her gun and shoots herself:

:She suddenly appears, once again, by the pearly gates:

:God peaks out from behind a cloud, looking terrified:

God: What are you doing back here? I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE! GO AWAY!

Scully: NO! PLEASE! DON'T MAKE ME! I CAN'T GO BACK THERE WITH THE SINGING AND THE THEORIES AND THE FARDEES!

God: Well, I suppose…

:Mulder appears:

Mulder: Cool! Heaven again! Are we in this time!

God: EEK::he sends them back immediately:

:Scully stands there, twitching uncontrolably:

Scully: HA! LOOK! FINGERED JELLO! AND LOOK! A DEAD BOB DOLE! AND LOOK! A RIP IN "GRANDPA'S" HAND SEWN DRAPES! AND LOOK::Sarcastic gasp: A USED CIGARETTE BUTT! OH! AND OH NO! NOT AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP, LANDING IN THE BACK YARD!

Mulder: I'm not wearing any underwear…

Scully: Really? Still? I mean, after like, three days you're still running around comando?

Mulder: Yeah…

Scully giggles: Heh, gross!

Mulder: Gross as in Faris Filton's acting gross or Fance Farmstrong's genetalia gross?

Scully: Mulder! You know you're not supposed to make fun of the less fortunate!

Mulder: I'm sorry…so it's Fance Farmstrong's genetalia gross?

Scully: Of course!

:Just then Loralia runs through the front door:

Mulder: Where have you been? This is no time for a vacation! We're trying to investigate and you're obstructing my justice!

Loralia: Not you two! I went to the bad place because of you two! But not any more, no sir! I got away just before they could suck out my soul, I did! They told me the koala bears were nice, but they tried to sell me the banana of doom! I didn't want to by the banana!

Mulder: Wait, the banana of doom? Can you describe this banana?

Loralia: Oh no…can't describe it…I'll get a mouth full of paper cuts they said!

Scully: Hey Fulder – I mean Mulder…

Mulder: Yes?

Scully: I'll take that date with Gunther Stubs…anything to get away from…this…

Mulder: Scully I never said he wanted to date you! I just figured you guys are a lot alike so you could help him find somebody. Besides, he's not gay.


	10. All This Time it Wasn't a Beard

Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: Now changed to PG...Pirated Groundhog

Chapter 10 – And All This Time It Wasn't a Beard

Disclaimer: We own stuff. But none of it's real….especially the fake stuff.

Scully: I'm not even good enough for a 4 hundred pound, hairy, truck driver?

Mulder: With a tiny penis…wow, I'm surprised you're NOT good enough for him! If only you were a woman…but you'd make a pretty ugly one, anyway, so thank God you're not.

Scully: I AM A WOMAN!

Mulder: …woah…

Scully: you seriously can't tell?

Mulder: no…no I can tell…:rolls his eyes at Loralia as if Scully is crazy:…sure…I can tell...so then you've shaved the facial hair, right?

Scully: Are you insinuating that I had a beard?

Mulder: Should I be? Perhaps you should tell me what I should say to make you feel better.

Scully: That I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen!

Mulder: Scully, you're the most bea-ngngngshudders I can't lie Scully, I just can't say it! Come on, give it up! We both know you're a man!

Scully: growls

Mulder: Besides…we need to pay attention to this investigative stuff…or whatever

Scully: FINE! Loralia's crazy, Grandpa's real and we're not crazy, Bob Dole is dead, the jello is still sitting here, and I think I detect a faint smell of smoke in the air!

She glances over at Mulder, who has a cigarette in his hand.

Scully: Mulder! ARE YOU SMOKING?

Mulder: No!

He throws the lit butt in the corner. Grandpa's hand sewn drapes start on fire.

Mulder: I was holding it for Loralia…who's now become an old wrinkly man with gray hair…  
Scully: Mulder! That's him!

Mulder: You know Scully, there are surgeries. You can really become a woman one day, if you really wanted to!

Scully: There's no time for that! The Cigarette Smoking Man has been pretending to be Loralia this whole time! But we were to blinded by the case to notice anything! Come to think of it, I don't ever remember Loralia being a girl!

Mulder: I thought she looked familiar!

Scully: That's the best disguise ever! No disguise at all…

CSM/Loralia: I suppose you're going to shoot me now. But then you'll never know how close you are to uncovering the conspiracy. All that we tried so hard to cover up you almost discovered in a few days. I must congratulate you. Though I must say I am disappointed, all this teasing. First you die, then come back, then die once more. You were really getting my hopes up!

Mulder: I'm sick of you're crap, Cigarette Smoking Man!

He takes his gun out and points it at him.

CSM/Loralia: I'm not cigarette smoking man! I'm Loralia!

Mulder: My mistake! Where'd he go?

Scully: SHOOT HIM YOU IDIOT!

Mulder: But that's Loralia, we can't shoot her! Look how innocent she looks!

Scully: You dolt…

Mulder: Did you just call me a bolt?

Scully: No, a dolt.

Mulder: Oh, my mistake again.

Meanwhile Loralia is escaping, taking the jello with her. The key to all that Mulder and Scully have searched for so long is in the core of its sugary goodness.

00000000

Sandy: I don't even like Jello…

Cindy: Yeah, me either…except the purple kind

Sandy: Yeah

Cindy: Unless it has fruit in it or something

Both: Yeah, but that's more like a Jello salad.

Cindy: We better add that in there

Sandy: Good idea…

Cindy: Now where were we?

00000000

But both are oblivious.

Tinkerbell: It's getting away!

They both run outside. The Smoking Man is sitting in the middle of the backyard with an empty plate.

Mulder: Where is it? You can't hide it forever! The truth is out there!

CSM/Loralia: You're wrong, the truth is now within me…you kill me, it dies too.

Scully: You ate it? You sick bastard!

Mulder: Just wait a couple hours…it'll be back out there!

CSM/Loralia: THEN I'LL EAT IT AGAIN!

Mulder (like a child): EEEEEEEEWW! That's gross! You're eating poopy!

Scully: no, boo…Mulder, it's not even worth it anymore. I'm not dealing with any more shit.

Mulder: Haha, double meaning. His shit, and his LITERAL shit…I get it.

Scully: No, YOUR shit and his literal shit.

Mulder: I don't get it…oh wait, ow…my pride

(A/N: Which we totally stole from Family Guy, or wait, Family Fuy, so we don't get sued.)

Mulder: So we have another unsolved case?

Scully: Yeah, Skinner won't be too happy.

Skinner appears out of no where, bald head gleaming in the unyielding sun.

Skinner: I'm upset!

Cindy: Shall that just be the end of it?

Sandy: Yep


End file.
